by Paina Skully
CRG went north of the wall, took on some white walkers in the tundra of New England, and left having laughed to the point of crying a non-zero amount of times. I’m so glad I went on this trip even though I couldn’t skate.
- “We can stop on the way back” means we’re definitely not going. Indoor skydiving will have to happen another time.
- Advertisements are better if they rhyme. “You want to dance? You better call Vance!” or “In pain? Call Wayne!”
- After working with a short roster, 14 skaters just seems like overkill. “Did the other team bring 30?!? Oh wait. No… that’s just 14. Seems like a lot…”
- Fleur cares too much to let a teammate use a stranger danger spoon.
- Being an asshole is not the same thing as being honest, no matter how many times you say it.
- D-d-d-d-d-daaaaaangerclaw! It’s disconcerting, mesmerizing, an object of awe. Now please put it away, Punch.
- Twizzlers count as dessert.
- Mayhem’s maternal instinct flares up every time Falcon jams. “BAAAAABYGIIIIIIIIRL!”
- Clobbers is such a lady. “It smells bad. Who’s been farting!?” Clobbers: “It was me!”
- Dance, Monkey, Dance! She’ll dance for ice cream. She’ll play roller derby for ice cream. Just as long as there is ice cream.
- Falcon and I are spectacular at car karaoke. Gory doesn’t believe in our talents, however. She did say our monotone rendition of The Black Eyed Peas “I Gotta Feeling” was worthy.
- Connecticut has the worst traffic in the world, and it has terrifying (to Dot) little stone walls, but at least there’s Dunkin.
- Drinking by water is a thing Gory likes to do.
- Driving a war rig starts with terror but ends with a power trip: “I’m bigger than YOU! And bigger than you! And… okay, semi, you win.” And when you make a mistake, just shout “We’re not from here!” and hope no one dies.
- Punch will finish four people’s dinners if you just leave the food out.
- Amity! That name means friendship.
- CRG needs a full-time bench nanny staff. Y’all skaters need Jesus.
